You know you're watching a malay movie when..

Seen this long time ago, but letz go thru again
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1.The hero looks too old to be a 20 years old
biker (read: Rosyam Noor in KL Menjerit), the
heroin looks too 'Erra Fazira' (Wait a minute.
It is Erra Fazira celluloid invasion!) and the
mother of the hero looks too underaged to be
a mother.

2. To resolve matters of the heart, the venue
of choice is always at the beach. The girl,
with a pair of fake Gucci sunglasses on her
head, will occupy the space under one
coconut tree, while the boy will take an
adjacent one. They will refer to themselves
as 'I' and 'You', and the scene will climax with
the girl's face streaked with tears 'You
beritahu I sekarang, you masih cintakan I ke
tidak', and the boy will run his hand through
his hair (An expression of Malay angst,
described by the word, 'frust menonggeng').
Oh yeah, they will then spend 10 minutes
bellowing some sappy-romantic tunes on the
top of their lungs even when the passerby
are ogling curiously.

3. On the deathbed, the terminally-ill will tend
to see the light, especially when surrounded
by those who he or she has wronged. There
will always be time to beg forgiveness from
everyone (full grammatically-correct
sentence, mind you) before the last breath is
exhaled, usually reserved for the all-
important mengucap (repentance), which is
the definitive sign of insaf (konon-kononnya
lah)

4. At the hospital, a doctor will always be
ambushed by anxious relatives,who will
ask: 'Bagaimana keadaan dia sekarang,
doktor?'.The doctor will look serious and
tentative (most of the time, looks too dodgy to
become a doc) maybe sigh a bit, before
finally replying, 'Keadaan dia stabil.Tetapi dia
perlu banyak berehat.' The doctor will also be
carrying a clipboard.

5. The hero can gasp in awe looking at
Sepang F1 Circuit, KLIA and The Petronas
Twin Towers as he had just realized how
developed Malaysia is after studying abroad
for 7 years. (read: Cinta Kolestrol). Ever
heard of Internet, Yusry? Pathetic.

6. Rendezvous/date is carried out at some
dim-litted coffee house or fancy restaurant
and the only drink you and your partner will
order is orange juice. Other drinks like sirap
limau or teh tarik are not classy enough.
Somehow during the conversation, you will
sip your drink bit by bit but never finish it all in
gusto.

7. The boss of a company sits at his desk,
usually writing longhand notes. There is no
laptop nor computer on his desk. There are
many ring files at the cabinet behind him. To
show how important he is in the company,
when he leaves his office, he tells his
secretary, 'Kalau orang telefon, cakap saya
ada appointment dengan Tan
Sri/Dato'/Tengku. Bimbo looking secretary
would smile sheepishly while playing with
her chemically damaged hair.

8. Only baddies, like delinquents and drug
peddlers go to nightclubs. The only good
people in nightclubs are undercover
policemen.

9. Brain tumours are cancers of choice,
because sufferers get dizzy and tend to faint
melodramatically. Cervical and breast cancer
are like, you know, private. As for lung, colon
and testicular cancer, they're just not as
aesthetic on those CAT scans as the ghostly
cerebral ones.

10. Hari Raya is the best time for character
transformations. The sound ofthe Aidilfitri
prayer call on Hari Raya morning is enough
to send drug addicts, glue sniffers,
drunkards, adulterers, street gang members
and girls who wear too much make up into
depths of remorse. Unbelievable, izzit?

11. There is always a Tan Sri/Dato' Sri/ Dato'/
Tengku...and their children are the
stereotypical "anak Dato'" complete with
accent and bitchy attitute.

***
till the moment u finished reading this
believe me i'm still
smiling alone in the room thinking of it.